Five For Friday: Dance Recital

There will be more than five family members watching Ashley dance in her recital tomorrow, but for some Five-for-Friday fun I have grouped them into five bullet points:

* Her first mom

* Her adoptive mom and dad

* Her former foster mom and foster sister

* Her adoptive grandparents

* Her adoptive sister

Mackenzie will also be dancing, and Ashley will be watching her. (Happily, they are in different sections of the show so each gets to sit in the audience when the other is on stage.)

Erica and I were also in the audience together last night as Ashley, Mackenzie, and my husband Paul (on bass ukulele) performed in the annual spring performance for the girls' school. So glad I get to share these moments with her!

Image copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photo

My First Post at Lost Daughters

I've been tossing a few things around in my mind lately. I'm excited to come on board as a contributor at Lost Daughters, and as I’ve thought about what I might post there versus here on my own blog, I’ve found myself mulling over the title “Lost Daughters.” I like the title, a lot. It’s evocative and appropriate. And ultimately, the question I’ve settled on for myself at the moment is not “What makes me a lost daughter,” but “Who is the lost daughter?”  Read more at Lost Daughters

Adoptees and their Parents: Some Thoughts

So, I've been speculating recently about what it would be like to be an adoptee today in a semi-open adoption. I know I'm adopted. I know a few things about my biological family. Maybe I've seen a picture, or several. Maybe I've received a handful of letters or cards over the years. But how much do I really understand about my original mother's restricted presence in my life? Do I understand that the limits of her involvement have been primarily established by the adoption agency and the adoptive parents? Do I know that she thinks of me and misses me every day? Maybe she has been given guidelines ... things she can and cannot say in her letters. But do I understand this? Or is there a part of me that experiences her distance as rejection?

Five for Friday: 5 Ways We Weathered the Storm of Sibling Rivalry

I wrote a few weeks ago about my personal challenges during the difficult transitional period when Ashley first entered our family as a pre-adoptive foster placement, and I briefly touched on some of the sibling issues we were facing. I'd like to focus more on the sibling side of the equation in this post, highlighting a few of the things my husband and I did to deal with the intense rage and jealousy that our two daughters initially experienced in response to each other.

Yes, Everyone Has One

... but not everyone has the original.

From a 1960s adoption book. Headline: "Everyone has a Birth Certificate. It proves ..."

Learn more about adoptee rights.

Recognizable

I look like my adoptive family, especially my adoptive mother -- enough to pass for biological and even enough that when I tell people who know us that I am adopted they sometimes don't believe me at first. But I don't look like my adoptive mom in the way that two of my female cousins look like her. They've got that thing going on where they look identical in pictures taken at certain ages.

Into Thin Air: The Amazing Disappearing Adoptee

My original mother reminded me recently that she still hasn't seen a baby picture of me. I've dug out my "All About You" adoption book and will scan a couple of photos for her soon. For most of my life I was "the hole in her heart" or "the ghost child," but, until I reemerged in her life 30+ years after my birth in the form of a letter and a newspaper clipping, she had not one visual image on which to hang her thoughts of me.

Two New Adoption-Related Support Forums

Erica and I have create two new support forums in conjunction with our organization Ashley's Moms:

firstparentsupport - for parents who have lost or relinquished custody of children to state care and/or adoption

fosteradoptsupport - for foster or foster-adoptive parents, especially those maintaining open adoption relationships with original families

Please click on the links above to join either group. You do not have to be a first, foster, or adoptive parent to participate in these forums, but please remember that the primary purpose of the groups is to provide support and understanding to those who are.

Five For Friday: Love and Loss (More Posts by First Mothers)

In pre-adoption counselling, mothers who are considering placing a child for adoption are sometimes told that they will "get over it" and move on. Not so surprisingly, many mothers who relinquish find that moving on is not a simple matter. The following posts are not easy to read, but they are an important part of the adoption story.

Those Hands
Grief Remains
Missing Him
Pretender
The Scars of Motherhood

We Are "That Family"

Our party for Mother's Day brunch consisted of three adults, two tweens, a very active toddler, and a baby. There was a naturally a lot of movement at our table as we shuffled around to accommodate the various needs and preferences of the young ones. On my way back from one of my trips to the buffet table, I heard an older gentleman at the table next to us say, with what I choose to interpret as a hint of good-natured amusement in his voice, "That family is out of control. They are all over the place."

Happy Mothers' Day!

No, that's not a typo in my title. :-)

Erica, Rebecca, and Ashley, Mothers' Day Brunch, 2012

Five for Friday: 5 Ways I'm an "Angry Adoptee"

When adult adoptees speak critically of the institution of adoption or candidly share the negative aspects of our own experience of being adopted, we are sometimes labeled "angry." To many of us this comes across as dismissive. Amanda of Declassified Adoptee and the folks at Land of Gazillion Adoptees have teamed up to give adoptees a place to reclaim the "angry adoptee" label by focusing on the many legitimate reasons we have to be angry. Please visit the facebook page that they have created for this purpose.

Following up on my photo post from yesterday, here are 5 more ways I'm an "angry adoptee":