I am answering honestly when I say that there is no time I would rather be in than the present. There are things I miss about being younger. I miss the energy I once had and the feeling of strength and confidence that accompanied my younger, more athletic body. I wouldn't mind turning back the clock to the skin I had in my twenties. And sometimes, yes, I miss the carefree feeling of being responsible for no one but myself. But would I really go back? Of course not.
I wouldn't go back to a time before before Ashley was in my life. Or Mackenzie. Or my husband. Or my birth family. Nor am I willing to trade in even the tiniest fragment of the knowledge and experience I have gained.
I once participated in a workshop where I was asked to close my eyes and imagine myself at my fullest power. What immediately popped into my head was an image of myself with long gray hair. This may be because the neighborhood I grew up in happened to be populated by older women. I found them all fascinating and I would go from house to house visiting. I spent many hours sitting by their feet, listening to the amazing stories they would tell. Since that early age, I have always known what I want be when I grow up: an old woman.
I hope I may be lucky enough to live to see my dream come true. In the meantime, I will try my best to be present for each moment along the way.