Jenna's posts often make me feel this way, but this one especially so because it taps into some things I have been thinking about myself. Can I just say that I love that judge! Or rather, I love the writers who created her and put those words into her mouth. I'll borrow from my daughters one more time: she is totally beast, man!
Or no, actually, let me use my own word, the one that came to my mind most powerfully as I read about her: authentic.
That's a word that's been on my mind this week anyway because a friend used it to describe my own writing voice, and I took it as the greatest compliment she could pay. It was significant to me because for many years I did not have an authentic voice. This is something I've been discussing with some other adult adoptees online. Many of us have had to overcome obstacles to find our true voice. We look back on things we said about adoption and being adopted in our younger years and recognize that we were not speaking our truth. Rather, we were parroting what others had said or formulating what we somehow knew others wanted us to say. This dissembling had effects that rippled through other areas of my life, and I plan to write more about that another day, but for now let me just say that I find myself in a very different place today, and I celebrate that. When I say things like "I have two mothers; I love two mothers and am loved by two mothers; that is my reality and nothing will ever change that," this is my hard-won truth. Such statements come from my own most personal deep place of authenticity.
When the judge says, "But you all need to get this. Right now. Those are the biological parents. You cannot change that. And you need to get this. This little girl has been raised, by them, since the age of two. They’re a part of her life. A big part. Like it or not, you’re all in this pot. One side does not get to erase the other. Do you understand me?" I recognize something similar. It didn't surprise me to read that the plot eventually reveals the judge herself to be an adoptee. I've never seen the show, but in this one instance I think the writers hit the nail squarely on the head. It rings true for me. This is something an adoptee would say.
As I said, I haven't seen the show, but Jenna's words hint that elsewhere in the plot the judge's emotions about her own adoption inhibit her ability to view the situation objectively. Perhaps. But until I've seen the show, my focus remains on the one part that Jenna herself chose to highlight. Those words. Those amazing words!
But you all need to get this. Right now. Those are the biological parents. You cannot change that.
And you need to get this. This little girl has been raised, by them, since the age of two. They’re a part of her life. A big part.
Like it or not, you’re all in this pot. One side does not get to erase the other. Do you understand me?
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Can I just say what a rare experience this is for me! More often, when I encounter fictional representations of adoption or adoptees, I experience a disconnect. The presentation on the screen or the page does not match my reality. But this one does! I can hardly express how exciting it is to find a little piece of my own truth, my own message, reflected in the words of fictional character.
Can I get a woot woot?