Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Adoptees Who Aren't Pulled to Explore Adoption Issues

I think about adoption issue a lot. And obviously I write about them a lot, too. For me, exploring my identity as an adopted person, unpacking adoption loss, and reconnecting with my biological family was an important part of finding my way. But not all adoptees are like me. I am passionate about sharing my story, but it's also important for me to keep in mind that every adoptee's experience of adoption is different.

I love this post that is currently being featured at Land of Gazillion Adoptees, and very much encourage everyone, but especially adoptive parents, to hop on over there and read it. The post starts with an exploration of the question "When do I start talking to my child about the feelings on adoption; is one age better than another?" I appreciate the author's response and especially liked the following line: "The answer goes back to one of my mantras, being open, but more than just being open, being aware."

I also really liked the statement, "Adoption processing and opening the box is not easy and it's ok if adopted people don't do it." I agree. Adoption processing was something I needed to do. But it was hard. And reunion was hard -- wonderful but also overwhelming. If I could have been okay on the other side of all that, I might have stayed there. But I wasn't. So I opened the box.

But enough from me. If you haven't already done so, please go read the post, Exploring Adoption Consciousness. If you feel moved to come back here and leave a comment, telling me what you think, I'd love that, too!

9 comments:

  1. Thanks for pointing out this post - very timely for me. As you may remember, I recently wrote about an experience I had with my two-year-old daughter. As we were looking at some pictures, I said that she looked like her birth father in a picture of the two of them together. (We have a very open adoption.) My daughter's response was, "No, I look like mommy and daddy. I no want to be adopted." I second-guessed myself a lot after she said this, not only about my poor response (I was really caught off guard as she had never said anything like this before), but I also wondered -- by making that comment (and others like it), did I "push" her to think about or talk about her adoption at too young of an age? I think this post answered that question for me. There is no one right age to start exploring issues related to being adopted. It happens when it happens, but as an adoptive parent, I do have to give her room (and a comfort level) to express whatever she is feeling, but not push her to express more than she's ready to express.

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  2. Love the new look of your page!

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  3. Thanks! I was obsessed for a while and couldn't stop tinkering, but I think I've finally got something I like. :-)

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  4. Thanks. Funny ... a longer comment from you came through to me in my email, but the shorter version is all that appears here. Strange. In any case, thanks for the feedback. :-)

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  5. I know why that happened. Is there a way to contact you privately? When I click on the "contact me" button, nothing pops up.

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  6. Thanks for the recommendation. As my husband and I move forward with pursuing adoption, things like this help me understand the bigger picture. I know we will be open and help our child explore whatever he/she needs to explore and will be advocates of support. Thanks for your candor!

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  7. Thanks for the recommendation. As my husband and I move forward with pursuing adoption, things like this help me understand the bigger picture. I know we will be open and help our child explore whatever he/she needs to explore and will be advocates of support. Thanks for your candor!

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  8. Sorry for the double post - not sure how I was logged in twice - didn't see that this one posted. My apologies!

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