Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Scary Thing I Did

Yesterday I did something very brave. Or at least, it feels that way to me. I wrote to someone whom I believe does not want contact with me, and I asked for it anyway. I asked because it's something I want for myself. I asked because he is my father, biologically at least. Half of my genetic makeup comes from him, and I want to know that part of myself that I can only access through knowing him. I didn't demand contact, but I did ask for it -- clearly, directly, unequivocally. I didn't allow myself the protective wiggle room of pretending that I didn't care one way or the other. I made my preference for contact clear.

Now I wait. Now the matter is out of my hands entirely. The letter is on its way to him. I cannot call it back, nor can I control how he will respond when he receives it.

It's not an easy position to be in, but here I am. Nothing worth having comes without risk. That may be a cliche, but it's true. I have stepped into this place of vulnerability because there is no other way to get to the place I want to go.

Image copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

14 comments:

  1. That is very brave and I hope so much you get the outcome you wish for. I'm keeping everything crossed for you. :)

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  2. Monika ZimmermanJune 19, 2012 at 3:35 PM

    Like Claire, I've got everything crossed for you! Hang in there. :)

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  3. Finding ChristopherJune 19, 2012 at 3:49 PM

    I think it was incredibly brave. I can't imagine how scary that had/has to be for you. I hope you get a positive response. Soon!!

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  4. Just delurking to say good for you! I too am keeping everything crossed that you get a positive response.
    Anne

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  5. My fingers are crossed for you! It's a very scary thing to do (coming from someone who did it and had a great result!) and I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself. Even if he says no, you will know you did everything you could have and it will not be a reflection of you in anyway. Hugs!

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  6. Prayers for you during this time. I hope you feel better just putting the words on paper.

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  7. Your courage is amazing. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

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  8. Thanks to everyone for your kind and supportive comments!

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  9. I really have enjoyed reading your blog! If you have some free time maybe you could answer this: Have Adoptees who met their birth parents felt positive or negative about the experience? Answer: http://qr.ae/88xxS on @Quora

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  10. That sound sbrave to me. Prayers that it goes well and you get what you need!

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  11. NEVERSAIDGOODBYEJune 19, 2012 at 7:43 PM

    WAY TO GO! I so prayed this for you yesterday! I met my birth dad 6 years after I found my birthmother and I am SO glad I did! So many questions answered! It was a good experience for my overall. I do NOT regret I did it! I am so proud of you! It is so strange that something so fundamental- knowing who are parents are- is not a right to the adoptee.

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  12. Way to go on taking that very big step! Hang in there.

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  13. You are all the best! Thanks, everyone, for your support!

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  14. Yes, brave indeed! And the waiting is hard, hard, hard. I hope he's receptive to your request.

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