Friday, July 6, 2012

Five for Friday: Five Snapshots of Reunion

I was going to write a Five for Friday post called "Five Potential Pitfalls of Reunion," but I just don't have it in me to do that today. Instead, I've decided to go in a completely different direction with these five photos from my 15+ year reunion with my original mother's family. I could have picked any number of photos, but here are five that both came to mind and could be found (I'm really terrible at keeping photos organized). I'm so glad to be in a situation that allows such pictures to be taken, and my heart aches for all of those adoptees who can't even get started on the reunion path because of lack of access to information and for those who start but are met with rejection. It is my deepest wish that all adoptees could experience the healing of "coming home."

1996 - The First Visit
2000 - Granddaughter-Grandmother Chat
2004 - The Conversation Continues, Cape Cod
2009 - Three Generations
2011 - Just One of the Family at my Brother's Wedding

12 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing! You sure can see who you look like! :) You inspire me! Have the blessed day ever my friend! xo!

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  2. Thank you for this comment and yesterday's! Always nice to "meet" another adoptee! :-)

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  3. Thanks for sharing!I love to let my son know he is not the only adoptee in a good reunion.

    In the beginning his pastor told him that in her experience reunions had not worked out. I thought that was terribly sad. Even though I know we share something very deep given his adopted family's feeling about my existence I worried we would be lost again.

    Thankfully that has not happened and today I am mailing a birthday gift off to my granddaughter. I think you are right, that others need to see that reunion can work out, and work out well.

    We took the same tack as you did and started our relationship from the first day of reunion. No going back.

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  4. Barbara Jean WalshJuly 6, 2012 at 1:52 PM

    >I'm really terrible at keeping photos organized

    Maybe another genetic link. over the years, I've thrown photos of you into the box with photos of the rest of the family, so it's like you were with me all along. (And you were.) This pleasant side effect was not intentional: It was just the good result of being disorganized. And this week, going through boxes as I move into my new place, I'm finding cards and letter from you in all sorts of surprising locations.

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  5. NEVERSAIDGOODBYEJuly 6, 2012 at 3:59 PM

    I try to keep all correspondence from my birth mother in a drawer- it used to be in a box... but it all ends up all over the place. I tried tho because my adoptive mom did not like finding things from her- but I quit hiding

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  6. Thanks, Monika. I hope you get to sit on a beach with a bunch of seagulls and Mack's daughter some day!

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  7. Thanks. Yes, I'm a big fan of the dive-right-in approach! :-)

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  8. I experienced something similar last night. I was on the home server looking for the family camp photos I wrote to you about (thanks, by the way -- I'll save those for another post), and a bunch of photos of me and of the girls had somehow gotten filed with photos of Paul before he knew us. It made it seem like we were around earlier than we were.

    Anyway, I like that I'm popping up in surprising places in your new place, however it happened!

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  9. I started out keeping things from Barbara in a special place, but over time she became a regular part of my life, and therefore part of the disorganized chaos which I am apparently genetically predisposed to create. :-p

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  10. I cannot imagine what the road not travelled for some must feel like to be able to feel connected and see who you look and act like ... I don't know what angel pointed my husband and I in the right direction to have openness in each of our daughter's adoptions but we are so thankful and blessed because of it. Not just for us but for our girls who have always known where they came from and who their family is ... I know there is still more for them to understand and discover about their stories as they mature and hope having their families in their lives will be a benefit in the end ...I am hopeful more prospective adoptive parents will meet someone like you and see what is really needed to be a whole person and not walk away from the prospect of increasing their family not just be the child placed with them but the child's family as well ...

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  11. What fabulous pictures. I think that sometimes there is a lot of pressure to make a "perfect" reunion. Sometimes I think that adoptees forget that even in families where all the biological children have relationships with their siblings and parents, that there are just as many strained relationships. My own family has some of those issues, and several friends have decided that they need to get out of their "toxic" family relationships, and so they have almost no contact with any of their biological family. One specific friend was the "first daughter" who her mother had when she was fifteen. Her mother decided against adoption, but always was frustrated by the opportunites that she felt she missed, and that played into my friend's feelings of being her mother's stumbling block. Her half siblings, who were all at least seven years younger, had a much better relationship with their mother.

    So, I have no idea what would have been better, adoption or her mother raising a child she was not ready for, but I think that if she had been adopted by another family, that her relationship with her mom wouldn't be better than it is at this point. She has shared with me several times that she kind of wished she had been adopted since that would mean at least one family wanted her.

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