Monday, July 30, 2012

One Perfect Moment: An Adoption Reunion Story

This seems like the perfect time for me to participate in Write Mind / Open Heart's Perfect Moment Monday.

Lori writes, "Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between." Mine was momentous. And it was ordinary. It was as ordinary as a hug. In fact, it was a hug. A simple hug between two close relatives. But it was momentous because it was an embrace between two people who never expected to meet.

I met my biological father yesterday for the first time ever. I am 45 years old. I was nervous, and part of my nervousness was caused by wondering how we would greet each other. Would we hug? Would we stand there awkwardly wondering if we should hug? Would I make a joke about forgetting to check the adoption reunion handbook to see how we should greet each other? How does one greet a parent who is also a stranger? How do you bridge 45 years of separation?

Here's how you do it: You open your arms. You don't question. You move without hesitation into what seems the most natural expression of the moment because it is the most natural expression of the moment.

In the first moment of our meeting, my father and I said everything that could never be put into words. It was a moment that defied the years of separation and the legal undoing of our relationship to each other. The years melted away, and we were simply father and daughter.

I'm not expecting this to be our only meeting. We both seem interested in continuing to get to know each other. But regardless of where we end up, the moment of our first meeting will always be, for me, a perfect island in time -- a moment in which everything was exactly as it should be and neither the past nor the future held any sway.

19 comments:

  1. I was so thrilled to hear on Twitter that this had finally happened. And that it had gone so so so well.

    I'm glad that you and your father were able to be in the moment and let it carry you. May it keep carrying you forward, together.

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  2. I am so, so happy to hear this and look forward to more in the future!

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  3. neversaidgoodbyeJuly 30, 2012 at 3:30 PM

    I am so happy for you both Rebecca!

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  4. Barbara Jean WalshJuly 30, 2012 at 4:14 PM

    Just want I wanted to hear. I meant to ask you if there was a hug, a handshake, a wave. A hug is what I hoped for, for both of you. I'm so happy for you and for all of us. This fills another (much smaller) hole in my heart. XOXOXO.

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  5. WOW! I'm so happy for you! What an absolutely perfect moment. I wish for you to have many many more!

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  6. I am thinking of all the love that surrounds you.....
    Anne (Barbara Jean's friend bear Philadelphia)

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  7. Beautiful. How often open arms are enough in life. So glad you had this moment (and many more to come).

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  8. tears of utter joy

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  9. Here via Perfect Moment Monday and so happy to read about your experience meeting your birth father for the first time. I am glad that it went so well.

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  10. Lovely. I'm not a hugger by nature but when the arise, they were the only choice. Nice!

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  11. Rebecca, this is incredible. I love the way you write about this: so simple, so beautiful. It could have been so complicated and fraught with turmoil, but you've let all of that melt away. Perfect, indeed. Thank you for sharing this with us!

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  12. Reading this brought happy tears to my eyes. A hug can heal so much. I know there's a long way to go toward anything that "normal" people would consider a relationship, but that's a gigantic step. So so happy, and SO so perfect! <3

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  13. Thanks, everyone, for your comments! I am lucky to have so many supportive friends and family members, both online and IRL!

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  14. Finding ChristopherJuly 31, 2012 at 4:52 PM

    So very, very happy for both of you!!!!!

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  15. Rebecca,
    I'm so excited for you! So glad you finally got to see your biological father, and that is was a perfect meet is amazing! We would love to hear more details when your ready! :)

    Big hugs! XOXO #adopteeloveforever

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  16. Being in the moment often seems to be the best way of being. So, so glad that thing moment was perfect for you!

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  17. So happy to hear that you and your dad finally met! I hope that my son gets to reunite with his birth parents some day as well.
    Anne U (friend of Barbara Jean's in Wisconsin)

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  18. ericaljohnson1980August 1, 2012 at 7:11 PM

    Amazing Rebecca, simply amazing! I'm so happy for you, and glad I get to be a part of your journey! Love ya!

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  19. Beautiful, Rebecca! So happy for you!

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