Saturday, October 6, 2012

I Might Have Chosen Abortion

I consider myself lucky in that I never ended up pregnant except the one time I wanted to be pregnant. I therefore never had to deal with any of the difficult challenges and emotions that can accompany an unplanned pregnancy. But I could have ended up in that position. I was sexually active before I fully ready to parent. I wasn't always as careful as I should have been, and even if I had been, birth control is not a 100% guarantee against pregnancy.

I woke up this morning to a thought-provoking post by Racilous of Adoption in the City. I encourage you to read it. She has articulated some very important points; in my opinion, she has hit the nail exactly on the head.

If I had ended up dealing with a crisis pregnancy, I would have faced the same choices she did. As someone who had lived my whole life disconnected from my biological roots, it would have difficult -- if not impossible  -- to choose adoption. Even before I had fully come into consciousness regarding all of my adoption issues, I don't think I could have placed. Assuming this hypothetical pregnancy occurred before my reunion at age 29,  the child would have been the first biological relative I would have ever encountered; separation would have been unbearable, though, sadly, I do know of adoptees who have lived through this. But even for mothers who aren't adoptees, placing a child for adoption is not a simple solution. In the words of Racilous:
 Birth parents suffer lifelong grief, it takes years to heal, and for many they never really do. I am forever changed because I’m not raising my first born, and my decision to relinquish him will affect not only me for the rest of my life, but will have a ripple effect for generations to come.
If I had faced an unplanned pregnancy, I would have seriously considered abortion, though it would not necessarily have been my first choice. If I had chosen abortion, it would have been for one simple reason: that I couldn't figure out a realistic plan for parenting.

This is not a post about the pro-life, pro-choice divide. Like a lot of people, I happen to have opinions -- and strong ones at that -- about when life begins and whether or not abortion should be legal. Some of you may share my views and some of you may hold opinions that are directly opposed to mine. But none of this is relevant to this post.

The point that I am making, seconding Racilous, is that until we step up as a society and provide the social services that would make parenting a real, viable option for women facing crisis pregnancy, many women will continue to choose abortion who might otherwise not have done so. It really is as simple as that.

If you haven't already read the post at Adoption in the City, I encourage you to do so now: 
What the Path to Reduce Abortions Should be – Hint, It’s Not More Adoptions


  1. Great posts - both yours and Racilous'. As an adoptee, I realized very early on as a teenager, that if I were to ever get pregnant, no matter what the circumstances, I would have never considered adoption. I think the idea of being torn from my family on both sides was just too much for me to even fathom.


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