Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Day 27 Ramblings (NaBloPoMo/NAAM)

So, I went to see Rise of the Guardians the other day with my daughters. In the film, the Jack Frost character is having difficulty figuring out his purpose and his identity -- his center -- because he doesn't know where he came from. Hmm, does that sound familiar to anyone? No?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Shortly before going to the movie I read the following words by Betty Jean Lifton:
Even a reunion that is going well can bring an unexpected cycle of depression in its wake because of the emotions it releases. An adoptee can still have panic attacks and bouts of anger and grief, for issues are never completely resolved: they just get recycled and reappear when you least expect them. -- Journey of the Adopted Self
Can somebody please tell me who exactly it was who thought this whole closed adoption thing was a good idea. Sigh.

Have you had enough adoption awareness yet? I actually didn't plan to do all of NaBloPoMo this year, but once I'd done a few consecutive days I decided to try to keep going.

Just three more days! And then all these adoption issues will disappear forever! Oh, no, wait -- never mind.


  1. Your last line made me snort coffee at my screen. If only it were so easy.

    Did the movie trigger anything with your daughter, or did she gloss over that part? I always worry that I see too much with my 40+ year old adoptee eyes and then just assume that Liam will see it too, but his 10 year old adoptee eyes see things much more differently then I do.

  2. Hi Andy. I doubt that particular movie triggered anything in Ashley; it spoke to the closed adoption part of my experience -- the complete lack of information. Her experience is different in that respect because she does know her original family. A much tougher movie for us to watch together was Chimpanzee. You could just feel the tension in our section of the theater in the part between the mother's death and the baby chimp's unusual "adoption" by the alpha male. We talked about it on the way home from the theater. That one definitely hit on something for her. But I tried to just listen to her experience of it, rather than projecting my own stuff. It's a tricky balance. I find there are times when it seems appropriate to insert "I get how you're feeling because I've had similar adoption-related feelings," but other times when it seems better just to follow her lead and acknowledge whatever her experience happens to be, independent of mine.

  3. Love your ramblings! Especially this: "Can somebody please tell me who exactly it was who thought this whole closed adoption thing was a good idea?" I can accept that people were clueless "back then." What I can't accept is that there are those still advocating to perpetuate such a crazy system. I really enjoy your posts, as you know!

  4. Thanks!
    I know what you mean. Sometimes I fall into a "that was then, this is now" lull, then I read something like this: http://anywherebutheregirl.blogspot.com/2012/11/how-private-practice-and-adoption.html
    And I'm back to Arrrrrrgggghhhh!

  5. Really interesting post. I saw (and blogged about) Rise of the Guardians a few days ago, too, and was struck by the same scene.

  6. Andy, I worry about the same thing with my 46+ year old adoptee eyes and my daughter's 10 year old adoptee eyes...it is hard to separate that out. I was in foster care for 2 months and my daughter for 17 months in an orphanage as far as I know. I know how messed up I can feel and can only imagine what trauma she went through...


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