Friday, November 23, 2012


I have four parents. I refer to the two who raised me as Mom and Dad, because that's what I've called them since acquiring language as a child. I call the other two by their first names, because by the time I met them in adulthood the names "Mom" and "Dad" were already taken. It's not that I don't consider my biological parents to be parents; I do. But "Mom" and "Dad" are like proper names, inextricably linked in my mind to two specific people.

Ashley's Moms
(I was wearing the cow hat for the
amusement of Erica's youngest son.)
For my daughters, things are different. They have grown up with multiple parents, and as a result they are much more flexible with the language. Mackenzie has called both of her fathers (my first and second husbands) Daddy since she was two. Ashley, who joined our family by way of foster adoption, has called several women Mom throughout her life. I am not the first, but I have the honor of being the last.

These days, Ashley has two moms who are active in her life: myself and her biological mother Erica. Sometimes we are both with her at the same time, as we were yesterday for Thanksgiving. She calls us both Mom, and sometimes that leads to amusement. "No, not that Mom. The other one. "

Yesterday, we heard a new one. A couple of times she wanted either or both of us, so she called out "Moms!"

It works. :-)


  1. That sounds really fantastic! Could you point me towards any posts you have about how to make that relationship work? I adopted a teen from foster care and I'm trying to let her have a relationship with her biomom. It's not going so well right now and it's very hard to find people who have been in this situation.

  2. Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry to hear that things are challenging in your situation. Here are a couple of links that may be helpful but I'm not sure. Every situation is different, of course. Good luck!

    You can also click on the "open adoption" tab at the top of my blog and scroll down to see if anything catches your eye.

    Thank you for visiting my blog.


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