For many years, I wouldn't fall in love unless I could see the end from the beginning. My "type" was a guy with COMMITMENT ISSUES stamped in bright letters on his forehead. Alternatively, I liked a situation that had an expiration date -- my preference was the summer romance. I was addicted to the falling, but I was also addicted to the breakup. I jonesed for the emotional intensity of the entire cycle.
Was I reenacting an adoption separation scenario, over and over again?
There's really no way to know for sure. I have no non-adopted self to function as the control for comparison. Certainly there are plenty of non-adoptees who struggle with commitment issues, as well as plenty of adoptees who don't. Does that mean that my own relationship issues are unrelated to adoption? I don't know.
Read the rest of the post at Lost Daughters.
" I have no non-adopted self to function as the control for comparison." That's the kicker isn't it?
ReplyDeleteYup, it sure is!
ReplyDeleteYes, that's it exactly. I happen to love the basset hounds, but I am not a basset hound and never will be. And yet there are other adoptees who say they don't feel this way at all. I hope that people who read my post will also read this one: http://earthstains.blogspot.com/2012/11/family-relationships-who-do-i-feel.html
ReplyDeleteIt really is true that no two adoptees are the same, even though many of us also find significant overlap of experience.