Saturday, August 25, 2012

How Do You Raise a Selkie? Adoptees and Mythological Creatures

I've got a lot on my mind these days, not surprisingly. Meeting my bdad and having my bmom here for two weeks on top of my usual practice of following a lot of adoption-related blogs and twitter feeds -- yeah, I've got a few things to chew on.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

At the Museum: Another Adoption Reunion Story

My father and I move among the European masters. We have come to see Renoir’s dancers, but we are uncertain of our own steps. There is nothing on the map of the museum floor plan that can tell us how to navigate this adoption reunion. We must find our own way.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Shrugging Off the Shoulds and Shouldn'ts of an Adopted Life

Your adoptive family should be enough for you.
You shouldn't long for anything more.
You shouldn't be curious.
You shouldn't feel connected to your biological relatives.
You shouldn't love them.
You shouldn't need them.
You should always remember that your real parents are the ones who raised you.
You should be loyal to the adoptive family.
You shouldn't talk too much about being adopted.

Adoptee friends, what Shoulds and Shouldn'ts did you internalize? Did you get them from your adoptive parents or from the broader culture?

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Update: The State of My Reunion and Other Matters

I've been a bit quiet on the blog lately. There are a few reasons for this. One is that I've been focusing more deliberately on my off-line relationships, trying to be more available to my husband and children. The reunion with my birth father caused me to turn inward for a while. I remember the same thing happening all those years ago as I was reconnecting with my original mother. I went through a reflective and somewhat antisocial phase, but it passed. A similar thing happened this time around, and my family noticed that I was with them but not fully with them. Now I'm moving out of that phase and trying to be more actively present with them.

Original Birth Certificate Access by US State

Adoptee Rights Coalition - the Fight to obtain our Original Birth Certificates: Adoption Info-graphic: OBC Access by US States: A Mess of Adoption Laws - Now all in one place; a simple chart and map to see where each US state stands in regard to restoring the civil rights of adopted adults.
See chart>>

Friday, August 10, 2012

Five Things I'm Excited About Today

1)      It's my birthday.
2)      I'm taking a half vacation day.
3)      I'm having lunch with Erica.
4)      I'm going to NYC.
5)      I'm having dinner with my brother.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Adoptee Rights Are Civil Rights

I wrote a post recently in which I talked about how much I have gained from my adoption reunions and how difficult it is for me to encounter stories of adoptees who can't get started on the search because of lack of access to identifying information. I ended the post by urging my readers to support adoptee rights. While it is true that a desire for search and reunion is one of the reasons why an adoptee might desire his or her original birth certificate, it's far from the only reason. I myself, for example, didn't need my original birth certificate for search-and-reunion purposes, but I sent for it anyway and, as I have discussed previously, I am extremely grateful to the adoptee rights activists in Maine who who fought to secure this basic civil right for me.

Friday, August 3, 2012

The Partners of Adoptees

The partners of adoptees and other affected by adoption are in for one hell of a ride. This is something that Nancy Verrier and others have written about, and I'm certainly aware of it in my own life. Adoption issues have affected me throughout my life, and they continue to affect me to this day. And sometimes they spill over into my other relationships, including my relationship with my spouse.

Adoption healing isn't something you get to do just once. You make progress, and you think you are okay, and then something happens and the wound gets ripped open again.

If you are really lucky, you find someone who sticks with you through it all. Instead of my usual "Five for Friday" post, this is a brief post of thanks to my husband, who walks with me through the crazy and helps me find my way home. Again and again.
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