Friday, April 12, 2013

Why I Write What I Write

I write about adoption because adoptee voices have been left out of the conversation for too long. I write because an entire system has been created, supposedly with the "best interests" of adoptees in mind but with very little input from those most affected. I write because it took me so long to find my voice and now I am determined to use it. I was given a map by others that was supposed to guide me through my experience of adoption, but it was inaccurate and more-or-less useless. It was a map created by people who hadn't walked the territory. So now I am a cartographer, drawing on my experience and the experiences of others to help create a truer map.

Click here for the latest Lost Daughter's Round Table to read what others have to say on this topic. 


  1. Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! It is sad that so many of us (adoptees) feel
    voiceless. I struggle with my adoptive family because of finding my
    voice. But those struggles are THEIRS, not mine. I was raised in a very
    loving family, had a great life and when found by my original family I
    was very open to the reunion because all I knew was LOVE. Recently I
    said to my adoptive mother, "Why are you so surprised by my openness to
    reunion with my birth family? You raised me to think of them in LOVE! If
    this isn't what you wanted me to feel maybe you should have raised me
    to think they didn't want me so I would hate them!" She had no reply.

  2. seems like 2 things occurred at once, well maybe 3.

    1) Many, many adoptees came of age at once (even though older ones have thought the same things we have thought)

    2) The ability to communicate and share information and thoughts via the computer age have exploded and we not only have community but we have access to a huge array of information and each other

    3) And this relates to many BSE children are in their 40's and even 50's and beyond. Erik Erickson describes the stage we are in like this:

    This stage takes place during middle adulthood between the ages of approximately 40 and 65. During this time, adults strive to create or nurture things that will outlast them; often by having children or contributing to positive changes that benefits other people.

    Contributing to society and doing things to benefit future generations are important needs at the generativity versus stagnation stage of development. Generativity refers to "making your mark" on the world, through caring for others, creating things and accomplishing things that make the world a better place.

    Stagnation refers to the failure to find a way to contribute. These individuals may feel disconnected or uninvolved with their community and with society as a whole.

    Those who are successful during this phase will feel that they are contributing to the world by being active in their home and community. Those who fail to attain this skill will feel unproductive and uninvolved in the world. (from Psychology)

    We adoptees, and in our case adoptee women are not content to be stagnant. We care about out world and want to make it a better place, and for so long we have been "held back" or have felt like we are held back.

    I would love to hear what you think about this and what you have to add...keep up your great writing!

  3. Yes, I agree. I think this description of the middle adulthood stage is very apt. It fits for me and for many of the adoptees I know who have recently "come into" their voices.


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