Saturday, August 17, 2013

The Update Post

I haven't been blogging much lately, but I've been keeping busy in the world beyond my computer. (Yes, it does exist!)

I've already shared here about the day Erica was forced to make a quick departure from her apartment as a result of a domestic violence incident on the part of her ex-partner. What I didn't share at the time, for safety reasons, was where she went that day. Now that she's no longer here I can tell you that the undisclosed location where she and her sons were hiding out was my house. Yes, that's right. We took open adoption to a whole new level. Two moms under one roof!

What was it like having Erica and her sons here? It was actually quite wonderful. Hectic. Sometimes loud. (Her boys are 4 and 1-plus.) But mostly wonderful. They've moved out now, and I miss them. So does Ashley, of course, but she's also looking forward to visiting Erica and the boys in their new apartment next week. And we are helping her cope as we always do, mostly by listening to whatever is up for her.

On the adoptee side of the equation, things are good in Reunionville these days. My mother was here recently for a week that included my birthday, and my brother and his wife were also here for my big day. This year's celebration was especially significant because it was the first birthday that I have ever spent with my first mother. And if that wasn't enough excitement for any adoptee to handle in and of itself, I also saw my first father on that day! We all (by which I mean me, my first mom, my brother and his wife, my husband, our daughters, Erica, Erica's wonderful new boyfriend, and her sons) attended an outdoor musical event where my father and his catering partner were running a food concession. And it was by the ocean. Have I ever mentioned how much I love the ocean?

My adoptive parents weren't physically present, but I did have a nice phone conversation with them. During a break between bands, I slipped away from the crowd with my cell phone to call and thank them for their card and gift. After a moment of scrambling to get together, they sang Happy Birthday to me over the phone, as they do every year, slightly off pace with one another. They are cute, these parents of mine. I smiled. I had wondered if it would seem like an intrusion, pulling the adoptive family into this day of significance with my original family, but it didn't feel that way to me in that moment. Standing on the edge of the field looking out over the water, cell phone in hand, my adoptive parents in my ear and my biological ones somewhere in the crowd at my back, I felt ... peaceful.

Later my first mom bought me a lobster roll for dinner. And that was pretty awesome. Because, you know, lobster roll! But it wasn't the best part of the day. Just getting to be with her, as well as with so many other people I love, was the best part.


  1. All I can say to this is, "Wow!" <3

  2. <3 to you too, Deanna. What a summer!

  3. Wow on both counts (!!). I am sort of oddly conflicted about meetings with both sides of Theo's birthfamilies. I want them to have alone time with Theo but I don't want to look like I'm taking off or can't handle it or don't want to see them etc... I guess he's still young. But getting it all to flow together it tricky sometimes.

  4. The word I think best describes your writing is "elegant".

  5. Rebecca...I got to be with both my mother and father on the same day last was quite dad was actually the one who pointed it out to me. I had not seen my mother in 9 years, yes, NINE. We have both gotten a lot of counseling, and it was interesting that it did not feel uncomfortable in the least....miracles do happen! So happy for both of us...

  6. I imagine your birthday must have been pretty intense. happy to hear it was peaceful! and happy!

    I've often wondered whether I would feel like an intrusion during visits with our daughter's first family. in truth they are not equipped to handle solo visits yet -- our daughter is just 4yo -- but some day I imagine that day will come.

    as always, appreciate you sharing your perspective and insight here!

  7. How incredible it must have been to celebrate your birthday with the two people responsible for your existence. ♥ Haven't experienced that (yet). By the way, happy belated birthday! :-)

    Happy to hear that your daughters first mom and brothers are safe from abuse. Heartbreaking that women are subjected to such violence in the first place.


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